Genetic Imperative

Facing terminal cancer as I am I cannot help pondering the transitory nature of life. It is ephemeral, fleeting, and too damn short. Over the past few years I have talked about this a number of folks--all of whom tend to glaze over and while agreeing don't really seem to get the full significance of what I am saying. "Wake up dammit. Life is short. How do you really want to spend your time while you are here?"

There is a Tim McGraw country song that is about living your life as if you were dying. What if that was the case? What if we actually did live that way? Why then get out of bed? Why have children? Why go to work? Why save money? Indeed, for our ancestors ... why put your transitory life on the line pitting your hunting skills against a sabre toothed tiger or buffalo ... See what I mean?

If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I don't think I would go to work today. In fact motivation is something I am dealing with for the first time in my life. Think about it; from the point of view of survivability of our species this is a pretty lame strategy. Therefore, I think we are genetically programmed to believe we have plenty of time. When we have plenty of time, we get up go to work, pay or taxes, have children and fight hairy beasts for supper! Now that is a strategy for success!

But here's the thing. Because of the inevitability of my death, I see things differently than most folks. I have no future. I am forced to live in the moment--a great thing when you think about it. A precessional advantage to the process is a state of grace that feels like peace, tranquility, compassion and occasional bouts of bliss! And here's the odd thing. When I start feeling well physically, my mental state shifts and I find myself making plans with a decidedly long-term perspective. Again, it is as if there is a deep program running that is there whenever I stop feeling like death is imminent. Curious isn't it?