Identification as a Self, and Introducing Paul Hedderman

I have had the pleasure of meeting and corresponding with this man... and he is truly an enlightened individual. His presence was was illuminating and uplifting, the energy he brought into the room and into our one-on-one conversation after the talk was overwhelmingly peaceful and joyful. His state of being was evidence enough for me, but his message sparked quite an awakening. It's not a new message, as Eastern traditions have taught the essence of what he is saying. But, fortunately for us, he is one of a few who are making the non-dual message, and the idea that we are not who we think we are, more widespread. It is an odd message... totally contrary to what we have been conditioned to believe. I thought I "got it" when I met him a year ago, but it's only in the past few weeks that I feel I have arrived at some level of acceptance and understanding. But, it gets tricky... this is not understood with the mind. This stuff cannot be accepted as Jason. It requires some stepping outside myself (meditation is my primary way of doing so). When (or if) this hits you, and resonates as true, you may experience the "unspoken 'yes!'" (a phrase I love, which describes that internal experience of awakening to see something as true), and then you may very well burst out in laughter. I laugh at myself all the time, because it's now so obvious and I just cannot believe I once saw things differently.

Paul Hedderman's website: www.zenbitchslap.com

Some Youtube videos:
Who are you identified as? Paul Hedderman Interview.

Our suffering, our simple solution... another interview with Paul.

Are You a Sheep, or a Lion? Paul Hedderman video.

More of my ranting:

In the first post, I invited you to observe your mind (and your apparent separateness from it). I hope that demonstration alone supports Paul's message about identification, about the real you being separate from the imagined you). You know the idea of Self-Help? This notion makes every book that has ever been written on the topic completely absurd. I've spent years struggling with the self. I've battled "my" obsession and addiction to substances, "my" judgmental tendencies, "my" self-seeking natures, "my" persistent fear... and it was always that: a battle, a struggle. I never received any lasting relief. I could make progress here and there, but generally the cycle was continuous. Why was that? I went to therapy... I did the 12 steps... I volunteered service. But I always came back to a dis-ease. What I was doing, was just ripping little pieces off of weeds in a garden rather than taking them out or killing them at the root. So, they inevitably grew back. I finally resigned, "well... I guess this is life: constant struggle with my self." And everyone validated this notion. But wait... what did I just say? "Struggle" with "my" (?) "self (?)." Wait a minute... That implies that there are two separate things in conflict... there's that which is experiencing a struggle with a "self" and then there is this thing or idea called a "self." I knew the "self" and its manifestations well, but the idea of an experiencer, or observer that was separate from or behind the ego was news to me.

My conclusion: I am not, in fact I cannot, be that self (or ego/mind) because of my ability to watch it operate, to run amok against my will. So, rather than busying myself with trimming the weeds endlessly... I finally realized I had to go to their roots if I wished to ever be free of a weed-ridden garden. And so that's the message. When we become aware of who we are, and not the conceptual self composed of ego encapsulated by flesh as part of a biological organism, we get to the root of our troubles. Then, rather than thinking I was the one obsessing anxiously about money (or thinking lustfully, or judging other people, etc.), I realized that I was separate from the mental process which was doing all those things. And THAT was the freedom from self I had been looking for: realizing I was not it. It really is as simple as that observation, but it's certainly not easy (I'm far from perfecting this, and it's taken a lot of suffering for me to see this more clearly). When I am able to do this (I have not mastered it by any means), there is no struggle. Sure, I can still experience anxiety or any other emotion and thought process, but (through mindfulness and observation) I recognize that what's happening is not coming from me, not of my doing, and just not true. The sense of being at odds with myself then dissolves, which is exactly what Alan Watts describes (in "The Way of Zen") as the experience of awakening in Zen. It's not that all the faults and pains disappear (though they do fade with time, as you give them less power and meaning), it's that the war is over. You're free. Sure, your mind will go on doing what it does. But, you're no longer at its mercy, for you have found the real you and thus know your unrivaled power over mind. Rather than jumping on every train of thought that comes your way, and then having to bail at 10, 20, 50, 100mph (all battered and bruised), you can remain at the station: still and at peace while observing the traffic with impunity.

Again, I invite you to investigate further. Don't take my word for it (or Paul's). Just observe "your" "self". If you come to the same conclusion that I did (that we are not "us"), then you automatically open yourself to experience that which you are, because it is ever-present. It's subtle, but it's there, I assure you. It is consciousness itself, it is the Source. Here's a metaphor (perhaps a poor one) I thought of to illustrate this point:

You remember those slide projectors in grade school (before classrooms became digitalized)? The basic contraption was made of three parts: a light bulb, a slide, and then the image projected as a result of the light passing through the slide. Now, for 19-20 years I've thought of myself as the slide... some kind of concept. As the slide, I was seeing the projection only and completely accepting it as the ultimate reality. But, what I failed to get to was the very source of it all: the light. The projection (reality) was only there because a source of light was peering through an item ("me"... Jason) which could create one vision of an idea of reality. So finally, I took a step back. Jason (the one writing this right now), is the slide... it's a filter, or a means of viewing what is projected through it (reality). The projected image, or "reality," is only putting up the content of the slide. To get to the point, I have become aware of my consciousness/awareness... and I am awaking to the fact that this whole time, I have been (I am) the LIGHT behind the slide, and that which makes the projected image. The slide is observable, distant from me, and the image projected is a subjective plane. [ Oh... and have you heard about the Holographic Principle? It actually relates to all of this abstraction and speculation: Is reality just a 2-dimensional projection? ]But the light... it is the source. It beams through the slide to express an image. If the slide changes, the image changes (note that this process cannot be reversed...). The "light," unlike the slide and the image that are always subject to change and dependent on each other for their existence, just is. Slide or no slide. Projection or no projection. The light shines. Imagine, just for the sake of this mediocre metaphor, that we are talking about some super-bulb that never burns out or needs replacement. It can have countless slides placed before it, and thus it may project countless images (realities).

Jesus supposedly said "I am the light of the world." As well, "Before Abraham was, I Am." [indicating, to me, eternal presence... life without beginning or end] But, he also said "everything I have done, you shall do and more." So, he never put himself on the pedestal that a lot of religions have. He promised us the position as equals, as fellow sons/daughters of god (or however you'd like to refer to the inexpressible) with the same given identity and the same given power. After all, has it not been said, "ye are gods (to us, from god)?"So that makes me believe... there is just one "light bulb." That is, one consciousness looking through many lenses (or concepts of "selves"). We can call that source or sense of awareness many things, but you probably get my implication, my seemingly-lofty reference to Who We Really Are.

For the third+ time... try this idea out. "Entertain it," as Paul Hedderman says. See what happens and what YOU observe. I really recommend checking out Paul's page, then meditating on this topic. Be as a scientist would be... objective, without judgment or reservation, as you observe what's happening. Paul always refers to this message as, quite simply, an "invitation." Take it or leave it :)

Supporting references:
-"Be in this world, but not of it." -Jesus [imagine the experience of peering through a telescope... or playing any video game. It seems like you're there, but there is a distance...]
-In the words of St. Francis, "What you're looking for, is what's looking."
-From the basic text of the spiritual program Alcoholics Anonymous: "But he had found God, and in finding God had found himself." [I, and a lot of Eastern philosophies, personally make a distinction between the false "self" that has been talked in this post, and the true self... it's been called the "spirit," "the unborn mind," perhaps "The Holy Spirit" in the context of the Trinity, etc...].
-"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways." -Siddhartha (the Buddha) [I would substitute "evil ways," with something like... "unfulfilling ways" or "obstacles to growth." The topic of Good and Evil will be explored more later, I'm sure.]
-From the very popular "The Power of Now," by Eckhart Tolle: "The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly - you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. [bold added for emphasis]. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over."
-And finally,

"Just give up the individual ' I ' and there will be no need to find the real ' I '."

Ramana Maharshi

Namaste,
Jason